Saw a passage: The kids who struggle the most in this world often come from families with no resources, yet are raised under strict household rules.

The family is dirt poor, with no resources at all, but insists on raising the child to be well-behaved, especially considerate, extremely thin-skinned, and obsessed with saving face, never causing trouble for others.

Whenever they speak, there’s a sense of unworthiness. Such children are bound to be thoroughly chewed up by society sooner or later; their struggles are inevitable.

In resource-scarce families, being “obedient” and “sensible” is seen as the lowest-cost survival wisdom.

Parents who repeatedly hit walls in reality project all their anxiety and expectations onto their children, trying to cover them with a “golden shell” of strict moral standards, hoping it will protect them from suffering losses in a complex society.

However, what they don’t realize is that while this shell may shield against some hardships, it also severely limits the child’s room to grow.

Obedient and sensible, never fighting or competing, never causing trouble for others—a child raised like this will hide all their aggression and sense of power deep inside.

When opportunities arise, their first instinct is to shrink back;
When bullied, they tell themselves, “Just endure it and it’ll pass”;
When things go wrong, they blame themselves for everything.

With every act of endurance and concession, their space for survival in relationships is severely exploited and squeezed.

Demanding children always follow the rules at home is essentially training them in obedience, which kills their courage to take risks and challenge authority.

As a result, the child may be a top student at school, but becomes a “silent invisible person” in society—afraid to compete, afraid to speak up, watching opportunities get snatched away by those who may not be as capable but dare to stand out and stir things up.

If you are such a child, the first step to change is to bravely examine and reshape your inner world.

You must clearly recognize that those feelings of unworthiness and fear of losing face are mind-forged shackles planted later in life.

You need to learn to return your parents’ expectations to them, set aside society’s judgments, and start listening to your own inner voice: What do I truly like? What kind of life do I want? What kind of person do I want to become?

Practice confidently fighting for your rightful interests, and turn the energy spent pleasing others into nurturing yourself.

Remember, true strength is not about never making mistakes, but about being able to forgive yourself when you do; it’s not about never asking for help, but having the courage to seek help sincerely and to give back openly.

The second step is to practice “wild growth” in the real world.

You need to consciously start small, challenging the habits that keep you “well-behaved.”

For example, intentionally make a small mistake in a safe environment and see if the sky really falls;
Express your admiration to someone you appreciate, even if you might get rejected;
Force yourself to speak up at a meeting, even if it’s just to add a single sentence.

You need to train your face into a resilient shield, not a fragile mask.

This process will inevitably be accompanied by awkwardness and fear, but each time you push through, you’re unbinding your suppressed vitality.

Eventually, you’ll find that in the real world, stepping out of line is rarely punished as you feared.

Your willingness to speak up for yourself, to fight for yourself, to trouble others, to make demands—these are rewarded not with punishment, but with more opportunities and respect for your courage, and a broader space for you to flourish.

What the world rewards isn’t just ability, but also the courage to take responsibility for yourself.